It’s a little scary when 2021 felt like 2020 all over again and now 2022 is looking like ….ummm how shall we we say it? 2020/21.
So we have have all learnt “Man plans and God laughs” - clearly God laughs and laughs and laughs!!
Thankfully my journey with Caila had taught me “Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful”. It just it takes lots of hard work, resilience, the ability to pivot in the face of change, be flexible and have a sense of humor. I wrote my book Chutzpah Wisdom and Wine “BC” - before Covid - which basically sums up my life’s philosophy.
I have had a really tough year. Covid certainly gave me my own personal challenges and sadness with illness, loss of family members, separation, and work-related challenges.
I actually felt myself sinking in a hole. I know it’s not obvious but in reality I put on a good show; poor Gavin gets to see the behind the scenes. For the first time in my life I felt lost. I lost my confidence and belief in myself. I just felt paralyzed by indecision. I felt like I am not achieving anything and sharing my dilemma with people made them laugh. While others disagreed with my perspective inside I was feeling worse and worse. I consult for small start-ups providing them with structures and frameworks to get to the next stage; I share my life lessons that talk about dealing with life’s challenges; my husband is incredibly supportive and I have access to the best Torah scholars who talk on these subjects. Objectively I had successes, yet I felt like I was drowning. Everything mentioned above was the lifejacket, except the lifejacket had a heavy rock attached to it, making me struggle to stay afloat.
To be honest I have not fully resolved my feelings. Someone said to me the first step to recovery is not accepting the problem. The first step is recovery. Someone with a drinking problem only starts recovering when they stop drinking rather than talking about it. I decided that I did not want to be the same me 365 days from now. So I thought and mapped out what I want. If you know me there was more than 1 thing that I wanted but I finally understood my redlines and what I don’t want. I drew physical red lines on my planning board and now I had more clarity.
The real moment of clarity though was when I realized I am being pushed around by my fears in my mind rather than my dreams in my heart. I am now doing real research to evaluate my professional options and I am working through my fears.
Stay tuned for my next post on the lessons from the journey. I am not sure what the final outcome will be but I do know we only live once so we may as well make it a good one.
In the new year I wish you all H.E.A.L.T.H
Help others and make the world a better place
Experience life each day to the fullest
Appreciate the blessings and celebrate the good things
Look and learn - if we really look around, not just superficially, we will discover so much about the world, people and ourselves
Think before we act or talk
Healing for all